We don’t know what we don’t know … how can you change something you just wasn’t aware of? Do you know where your real fears are hiding?
I was shocked!
For the last few years I have been the happiest I have ever been. Content with my lot and just enjoying life, the moment, the little things and all that you’d expect of happiness.
Had I made it? Had I reached my ‘bliss’? Well life is remarkably blissful for me, it’s basic but blissful. I’ve been a workaholic in my past, earned plenty of money in my time and delivered some wonderful pieces of work that I’ve incredibly proud of too – so yes … but then NO.
I'm still in hiding; well part of my life is ...
There are still some things I have not faced up to, happily ‘blissfully’ unaware. Some fears that I truly believe are holding me back too. I have been unaware of some inner fears that I didn’t even realise existed.
Some years ago the turbo on my prestige car blew up. Now this was no surprise as it had already done it before; not once, but twice before. Sounds normal doesn’t it? Well, I have never owned a car since.
The whole experience was so terribly bad and painful for me (a long drawn out legal battle for nearly 2 years) that I convinced myself I didn’t need a car. I commute often and in between I use my kids cars. As we reached the New Year my son has started talking about changing his car – to a work van to support his property development ambitions … I would be one vehicle down.
No vehicle means less freedom for me, less flexibility and it keeps me safely at home.
#Boom – it keeps me safely at home …
My fear over owning a car is irrational, but it keeps me safe. When my car blew up it was toward the back end of the recession and business was really tough for me as a single parent and only financial provider of the house-hold. There was no spare money. I no longer had the savings pot that I’d always had before – so any eventuality hit hard. This overblown (pardon the pun) disaster wiped me out, financially, emotionally and spiritually.
As we turned in to the New Year I asked myself the age old question; what do I want from this year? And it hit me – I don’t know what I want, I just know what I don’t want. I don’t want to lose my happiness, contentment and safety. I am in fear of owning a car as it represents so much suffering that for the first time in my life and career it made me feel out of control, a failure and pointless.
Not buying a car – keeps me safe and keeps me stuck. Now that I know this it must change, I have to face my fears and reclaim the part of me that was lost in that terrible time.
Please ask yourself ‘what are you hiding from’? Could this hiding place be covering up an old door for you that needs opening back up? Is it keeping you safe or stuck?
You have to face your fears head on as they manifest in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways.
Spring forward and free in #2019 – I double dog dare you!!
Thanks for reading, with love and kindness, Dr Zoë DJ